


Self As A Construct

by ChubsDeuce



Category: Aperture Tag (Video Game), Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Aperture is really fucking huge, Enemies to Friends, Existential Angst, GLaDOS might come up but she's not actually a key part of this story (shocking I know), Gen, Memory Loss, Nigel has an identity crisis, Survival, Temporary Character Death, Test Subject kidnapping her testing associate and things only escalate from there, technically canon compliant bc this story takes place years after the in-game events of AT, this fic will discuss the origins of personality cores in detail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29966490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChubsDeuce/pseuds/ChubsDeuce
Summary: Nigel had tested enough humans in his timeframe of existence to know that they're unpredictable, but never could he have guessed what the sudden return of one could bring.As truths unfold themselves and trouble keeps coming after them, Nigel begins to question his place in the world. He'd always been so sure of it, so certain about his role in the bigger picture.But after everything that happened he begins to wonder if maybe there's more to existence than going in circles and following the program for all eternity.[tags will be updated as the story progresses; no set posting schedule due to turbulent real life but the first 5 chapters are finished so you may expect me to release one every other week and then do my best to keep the momentum]
Relationships: Nigel (Aperture Tag) & OC
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first multi-chapter fic project!
> 
> Or well, the first one I actually desperately want to see finished at least. This story has been marinating in the back of my brain since 2017, but I've only recently found myself with the skill and confidence to properly spin my thoughts into words (although I still would be nowhere without my lovely beta reader patiently sitting through my drafts with me and pointing out wonky passages)
> 
> I'm finished with 5 chapters as of the time I'm typing out this AN, which makes for about a 6th of the overall story.
> 
> The first couple of chapters will be very OC-centric due to me needing to set up both Tessa as a character as well as the story premise (and on accounts of Nigel not exactly doing the most interesting things), but the POV will switch more regularly later on!

# Prologue

The stale air rushed past her as she flung herself to the last platform of the test and tucked back a particularly unruly lock behind her ear.

Nigel cheered, beginning to ramble on about things she normally wouldn't bother to listen to, but this test was different. This was the last one, he'd told her earlier.

"Well done! Step onto the platform and we'll be well on our way to victory!"

Tessa rolled her navy eyes at him, his voice still had that pragmatic, uncaring tone it always carried when he'd inform her about one of his protocols, but with the last two chambers he'd begun sounding increasingly more excited too. She'd known that something was up, she'd seen the murals and the fire pit, heard it in his voice, felt it in the air, the absence of breathing life turning it heavy and cold. 

The upcoming betrayal was evident, human lives were considered nothing more than a disposable resource here. 

With no other way out, she’d have to pay close attention if she wanted to live.

Hesitating just slightly, she stepped through the fizzler to deactivate her gun and out onto the track platform as it sputtered and lurched forward. Slowly. Suspiciously slowly. Slow enough for the deadly fizzler that appeared in front of her to dissipate just before making impact with what little space she could make herself occupy without falling off the edge of the platform. Nigel eyed her curiously as he zipped by beside her, nodding slightly.

"Now, I know this isn't your regular kind of finish line for a test, _no need to side-eye me like that._ ", the core continued with a pointed glare at his subject.

"Truth be told, this isn't your regular kind of goodbye either. This is goodbye forever."

If he cared at all, his tone did nothing to betray him, cool and even, if a bit melodramatic.

The platform reached a corner and rounded it, both sides of the path lined with splintered vacuum tubes. She supposed they'd have once held another obstacle to dodge, but were currently harmless in their broken state. Nigel always seemed so bothered about his track breaking, you'd think he'd have this fixed too. Maybe he's just not able to? No wonder he wants to keep it as intact as possible if he can't actually fix any of it.

"You were an excellent test subject, I'll give you that. Resilient, intelligent, _frustratingly_ slow at times, but always focused on the goal. That's commendable! You may not hold the record for speed, but you've survived every single test so far,"

As the platform slowly inched forward, Tessa recognized the room opening up in front of her.  
The floor was closed now, she'd made sure work of that earlier, but there was no mistaking that this was the same fire pit she'd spotted when she went off track.

That sneaky bastard.  
"And even more commendable is your stubborn insistence on exploring every inch of the track, even the spaces you were never supposed to enter, so I'm not surprised that you found the switch to the fire pit."

The disdain in his voice gave her a brief wave of satisfaction washing over her, she couldn't help but let it form a smirk onto her features, silently celebrating her successful sabotage.

If he were human, Nigel would have probably scoffed.

"Now, we've had a test subject of a category that your level of... _sabotage _aligns with, nearly completely destroying this facility with their antics, even going as far as killing my boss and, just like you, any attempts to kill them have proven futile.", he said coolly.__

__"So by protocol, I am to send you to the surface as a precaution to ensure you don't royally break anything more than already should I try to dispose of you and have you escape in the process."_ _

__Tessa's eyes widened in surprise._ _

__"What?"_ _

__The core blinked. She had previously made a point of not responding to him for the entirety of the track, but this revelation had caught her off guard._ _

__"Have you turned deaf in the past three minutes? I'm letting you go. You've proven that you're too hard to kill and it's pointless to waste resources on trying. That's the protocol. Step off the platform and meet me in the next room."_ _

__As soon as he said his piece, the robot slid along his rail with a metallic whirr and disappeared into the hole of a nearby wall._ _

__She was frozen in place._ _

__That's it? He just lets her go?_ _

__It sounded too good to be true._ _

__She jumped off the platform, normally too high a distance to be comfortable for any human to land from, but the boots caught the brunt of it and let her land as if she'd fallen onto a soft mattress. Aperture was cruel, but their inventions would never cease to genuinely amaze her._ _

__Shaking off her brief marvelling and returning to her skepticism, she looked around in a last attempt to unsuccessfully find an alternate path, then cautiously made her way up the slope and towards an open door next to the hole the core had disappeared into._ _

__Sure enough, she found herself in a familiar looking round room, one of the elevators she was previously instructed to avoid running through the center. The core hanging next to it looked almost bored._ _

__"Finally. Now step in and get on your way."_ _

__She did as instructed, aware that this might just be another trap, but for lack of alternatives the only way forward._ _

__The coolness of his tone made way for a twinge of excitement, so slight she almost missed it._ _

__"Good luck and goodbye, dear test subject."_ _

__The glass door closed. With a smoothness that seemed impossible, the elevator shot upwards. Her eyes met with his orange optic following after her, eyeing her with a strange kind of curiosity, before disappearing out of her sight._ _

__Tessa took a deep breath, adjusted her hold on the now useless gun and prepared for the worst._ _


	2. The Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a content warning!!!
> 
> Not a detailed gore description but definitely broaching some morbid themes.

# The Betrayal

The elevator shut behind her and rapidly descended, disappearing into a faint glow below and pulling every bit of light with it.

Darkness flooded the room, shrouding the rusty door before her in an ominous, stifling void.

There was no going back now.

Would there be a line of turrets behind it, ready to shoot her? One of the lethal fizzler gates? An ocean of corrosive goo, stranding her to either starve or let the goo eat her first, leaving her to choose between two methods of torture?

Her heartbeat rose to her throat and she was forced to swallow it down with a shaky breath.

"No, come on girl, get your shit together. No time for panic, think!"

Her voice betrayed her lack of conviction, hoarse from lack of use and breathy with fear.

She swept her gaze across the space one last time, but still no luck. The darkness met her with an unyielding silence, the only sounds disrupting it being her own irregular breaths and rapid-fire heartbeat.

"Okay," she mumbled weakly, shaking out the hand that wasn't holding the gun and lightly bounced her weight back and forth in an attempt to build up courage. 

She hated not knowing what waited behind this door, but pushed aside her fear.

"This is the only way."

The steel wheel on the door was coarse from rust and cold enough to almost make her gasp, but still gave way with ease. Mechanisms clicked to life and scraped noisily, a near improbable cacophony of sound building up from every direction - and then abruptly stopped.

There was a long moment of a dull, repeated clicking, long enough to make her question if she broke it and take a cautious step backwards, when suddenly the door fell out of its hinges in a protesting shriek and slammed heavily onto the floor before her, stirring up a cloud of dust.

It took her a moment to process until reality caught up with her.

After so much noise, the dreadful silence that now rang in her ears hit so much worse in the dimly lit room before her.

There was no breeze, the air thick with dust and something sour clinging to it as she stepped out of the little cabin.

She wasn't sure anymore if it was the putrid smell or the disappointment, dehydration, hunger and lack of sleep that made her so dizzy. Regardless, she began cautiously exploring the area. Better make the most of it and look for resources.

Of course there was no way that she would actually be sent to the surface.

Tessa hadn't meant to let herself be hopeful about it, but the truth still stung.

"Enough moping, focus!", she quietly hissed, shaking her head as if to dissipate the thought by force.

"Step one: get an overview. Step two: gather what you can. Step three: find a way out. Easy."

The room looked like it had once seemed almost convincing in portraying a natural landscape, the walls and ceiling painted a brilliant blue sky framing a small pine-tree forest.

Almost.

Besides the bulky, fake trees that would only fool you on first glance, a good portion of the ceiling had collapsed, forming mounds of debris that littered the area, leaving gaping holes above, illuminated by the light of a dinky lamp pouring in from somewhere outside.

This place must have been left unattended and abandoned for a long time to be in this bad a condition.

Tessa half-heartedly kicked up some rubble, movements slow and defeated, but still hoping to find something of use, and eventually pocketed a serrated piece of metal she thought she could use as a knife.

As she kept digging, a familiar looking shrapnel of orange cloth caught her attention, alarm bells voicing concern in the back of her head.

Curiosity, however, got the better of her and made her eyes follow the piece of fabric to its source, hesitantly removing more rubble as she went.

The burst of icy panic grabbed her by the neck and threw her backwards, scrambling for balance as the boots did their best to keep her afoot.

A hand. 

A shriveled, leathery hand, palm upwards and covered in some places with flaky, dried gel, blackened in others from long rotten blood.

A dead test subject.

She had found a corpse.

Her heartbeat pulsed deafeningly through her ears and as the initial panic abaded, it left a wave of cold sweat in its wake.

 _Calm down,_ she thought, throat too tight to mumble out loud. 

_Focus._

Willing her breathing to slow, she picked up her gun from where it fell to. Its familiar weight and sleek plastic hull felt vaguely comforting in her hands. Pragmatism took over.

_I need the fabric._

Nausea filled her guts.

_I can make a holster for the gun or gauze out of it._

The thought of stealing from a corpse was appalling, but she knew she couldn't let morals get in the way of her own survival, not in a place like this.

_Stick to the plan._

Hands shaking, she closed her eyes and gently pushed the rest of the rubble out of the way, then took a deep breath before looking.

Most of the corpse had deteriorated to the bone long ago, but it was still very clear to Tessa that this must have been a young woman once, not much older than herself. Tufts of auburn hair surrounded the mess of bone fragments and leathery skin like a halo, some of it still stuck inside a hair tie.

Her skull probably got crushed by the rubble when it fell, together with most of her upper body. The side she had discovered was still mostly preserved, the taut, stiff skin of her arm wrinkling and bending in ways it was never meant to.

_Must be the dry air._

Looking at it forced up unpleasant mental images and made her nausea come back, but she fought it down and forced herself to focus on her task.

Using the metal scrap she found earlier, she began alternating between tearing and cutting away at the faded jumpsuit with rough movements, pausing only to briefly wipe her unruly, ash blonde hair out of her sweaty face.

After much too long a time spent cursing to herself and fighting with the dull edge catching on the fibers and stubborn curls obstructing her view, she finally had a sizable rectangle of the stained fabric.

She'd managed to cut off the sleeves too, which would make for nice, long strips of gauze if she managed to disinfect it.

A frustrated hand ran through her sweat-dampened fringe as she shook out the rest of her hair to fan herself a little, fingers catching in several knots on their way out.

Her hair was only shoulder length, but voluminous and thick, too insulating for physical exercise when she wasn't flinging several feet into the air and had the cool air flow to balance out the warmth it generated. She had to do something about it.

Her eyes flicked to the corpse's hair tie.

"Maybe I could-…"

She shuddered a little in disgust. No, that's gross. She should just use a scrap of fabric instead.

Yet her gaze lingered on as seconds turned into minutes. It would be so much easier-

"No."

As if to spite her own mind, she decidedly shifted her legs to sit more comfortably and started tearing at the fabric she’d cut. She had to make some kind of holster to carry the gun with and free up her hands, and she already had an idea of how to go about it.

Tearing four strips off of the roughly 2 foot by 2 foot square of fabric, she used three of them tied in a loop to interweave into the remaining piece’s edges as handles and placed the cut off sleeves and gun into the middle.

Time to test her contraption.

The handles were just about long enough to comfortably sling them over one shoulder and let the gun hang securely by her waist, the sleeves cushioning it from poking her ribs uncomfortably.

Tessa swung her arms upwards with a celebratory holler. It had worked!

Feeling good about her success, she picked up the last strip of fabric to tie up her hair.

A sobering sense of disappointment followed soon enough. The fabric was stiff and trying to tie a knot where she couldn't see while simultaneously trying to keep the thick of her hair under control was impossible. She even attempted to compromise by tying it around her head to keep her fringe out of the way at least, but it just kept slipping off and proved useless.

Not one to waste resources though, Tessa pocketed the strip for later.

Her eyes caught on the corpse's hair tie again.

A pause. Frustration momentarily fought with apprehension.

"Fuck it."

She carefully picked up the knot, then promptly yelped and stumbled back in surprise when the brittle hair inside it fell apart and disintegrated into dust.

Tessa nearly threw up then and there, only just about managing to get a hold on her gag reflex in time.

_Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it-_

Her heart was racing again, but she didn't wait for it to calm down this time before swiftly picking up the tie and shaking it out.

Once she was sure that her stomach was cooperating, she tugged at the elastic a little, testing its flexibility.

The hair tie was perfectly intact and Tessa couldn't help but marvel about the fact that the rubber inside hadn't dried out and fallen apart yet, considering how old the corpse looked.

Soon enough her fingers were back in her hair, forcing it towards the back of her head and roughly tying it together, mentally praying the little elastic wouldn't snap.

It did not snap, and she sighed blissfully when the cool air _finally_ reached her neck and shoulders.

Relieved and having had a moment to cool down, she could feel the fatigue setting in. She had to get going if she didn't want to fall asleep here, next to a corpse no less.

Her limbs felt heavy and sore when she got up from her cross-legged position and she had half a mind to rub her sleepy eyes, but wasn't sure if the combination of grime, corpse-dust, sweat and gel caking her hands wouldn't end up blinding her if she tried. 

Standing once more, she picked up her makeshift satchel and cast one last glance to the body at her feet.

"At least _you_ are getting a well deserved rest now."

Another sigh left her chapped lips. 

She turned away.

"Time to find my way out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I impatient? Yes.  
> Should I wait with posting this until next week? Also yes.  
> Will I post it today anyways? You bet.
> 
> The next chapter will be Nigel-centric, I promise :'D


	3. Behind The Scenes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised, a Nigel-centric chapter!

# Behind The Scenes

The elevator returned empty.  
Nigel had done his job.  
Still, his gaze lingered maybe a little bit longer than what could be considered professional.

He had never been to the surface before, nor does he have any actual desire or means to, but he still always wondered if the imitations among his chambers did the real deal any justice at all.

None of the subjects he'd tested have ever attempted to jump towards any of the painted walls, even when they were fully intact, so it was likely that they weren't actually fooling anyone.

Nigel supposed it was for the best, seeing as landing anywhere other than the test relevant platforms would normally result in lethal consequences and could easily ruin a great track record.

The rail hummed to life with a familiar whirr as he turned to leave. Time to focus on the far less enjoyable part of his job.

One by one, he had to go through every chamber and thoroughly inspect it for damage, then compile his finds and get in touch with the responsible resource distribution departments about repairs.

While he enjoyed just going through his chambers, taking his sweet time scanning every oh so familiar panel, he was not looking forward to the part where he had to get repairs into motion. Not because he didn't want it repaired, but because nobody wanted to cooperate and give him the resources to do so.

Arriving back at the last room on his track, he rolled through one of the railway gates specifically designed for cores to squeeze through and entered the track's system once more. The office to access the cameras in the old tests was near the first chamber of the newer section, so backtracking from the finish line was the most efficient way to go.

Scanning the room was second nature to him, a nice, reliable routine that he was quick to lose himself in.

Three hours had passed like a breeze when he made it to the entrance.

_ [NEW DAMAGE - T71C30] _

_ [CRACKED PANEL: D13 M1 M3 T21 T22 T24]  _

_ [MISSING PANEL: D12 F5 R9]  _

_ [BROKEN VAC: NONE]  _

_ [BROKEN FIZ: NONE] _

Pleased with this chamber's summary, Nigel initiated the self-cleaning sequence. He would tell his subjects that there was some form of sentience behind it, but that was mostly because the statistics told him it improved the likelihood of them listening. In reality the whole process really just involved flushing the chamber with water, then draining and redirecting the resulting sludge out to get filtered and cleaned for reuse.

This process too takes about an hour, after which Nigel does a quick second checkup to make sure the water didn't loosen up any of the already damaged areas.

Soon enough he was back on his way to the next chamber, humming along to one of the songs on his track's playlist.

Despite his warnings and reminders, his last subject had wasted a lot of pointlessly placed gel and cracked a good number of panels with carelessly thrown cubes. Given that his in-person check up usually took several days worth of time, a lot of the gel would have begun to crust up at the edges by the time he got to them.

What was it with subjects being extra determined to cover every available inch of free surface with gel once he explicitly told them not to?

It was such a simple order to follow, so perfectly doable, it made no sense that even the smartest of his subjects failed to follow it.

The more he backtracked, the more annoyed he got over the amount of gel wasted, remembering all too vividly how frustratingly insistent his last subject was on wasting time going exploring.

He was lost in thought enough to not notice who had approached him.

"Hey Nigel!"

His shell clattered loudly from how suddenly he jolted and turned to face the other core.

"Sweet Science Jen, you scared me!"

She tilted her familiar pink optic, the lower lense plate half-way up in amusement.

"Always so busy, never watching where you're going."

Her optic opened completely now, a childish excitement written all over her tinny voice.

"I was on my way to meet up with Whisper not too far from here and thought I'd stop by and say hi, it's been a while since I got to talk to you and you always seem so lonely all on your own here."

Nigel blinked at her in surprise, then squinted in careful suspicion.

Normally other cores only approached him if they wanted something from him, especially since his track was in an inconveniently remote place and a pain to get to.  
Jen was an outlier in that regard, the botanic database core always travelling and making friends with anyone she came across.

"Whisper was the scary defective one that yells whenever he speaks, right?"

Her scratched up green hull shook in time with her synthesized chuckle.

"Yes, the one and only!"

"Ah."

He was still expecting her to drop the charade of smalltalk and state her business.

Her tone changed to something he didn't quite know how to interpret.

"I suppose you recently finished another test run?"

He nodded.

"What was the subject like this time?"

It wasn't the first time she'd bother him for details on his tests and he knew from previous conversations that simply offering her a report on the test wouldn't satiate her curiosity the same way, frustrating as it was.

"Female again this time, around 20 with high intelligence but low speed and  _ frustratingly _ nosy."

The other core chuckled again, easy to amuse as always.

"Like me then?"

He rolled his optic melodramatically.

"Very, but unlike you she wouldn't talk to me unless she absolutely had to, you seem to like to needle me all the time just because you can."

He'd hoped that the subtle accusation in his voice was enough to tell her that he still suspected an ulterior motive.

Jen just shook her optic frame in the same way a human might shake their head.

"Caught you on a busy day, hm? You seem stressed."

If only she knew.

"No, of course not, it's not at all frustrating being stuck on a track that is deteriorating underneath me with no means of fixing it and only breaking further because absolutely nobody is willing to cooperate."

Once again she looked at him in that strange way he just couldn't interpret, the silence almost growing uncomfortable.

"Are your protocols still keeping you from leaving?"

He tore his gaze away from her, unable to stand her intense stare for much longer.

"The one time I tried I ended up needing a maintenance core to come down here and check me up. I'm not stupid enough to try that again."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could help you. Maybe I could bring you a couple of flowers some time? Just to change things up a little?"

Jen was one of the few rare cores that were made compatible with the remote android systems, humanoid bodies with wireless controls created for field work. He'd almost mistaken her for a human the first time they met, were it not for the plethora of metallic scratches cutting through the silicone skin. She often used it to tend to the flora in the permanently abandoned areas of the facility.

Sometimes he really envied her freedom.

"Don't bother, it's not worth the effort, it will just wilt and die."

"Okay, just an offer."

The silence stretched on. Nigel was getting restless with the nonsensical smalltalk. Either she was here for a reason or she was wasting his time.

"So, did you want anything specific? I still have some reports to finish." 

Her voice grew quiet, almost swallowed by the tinny quality of it.

"You know she doesn't really read them, right?"

He bristled slightly, tone taking on a defensive edge.

"She's just busy! I'm sure she would have told me by now if I'm supposed to stop. I'm just doing what I was programmed to, like everyone else."

But then he deflated, still avoiding looking at her.

"Besides, I don't mind doing it. Gives me something to do."

"If you say so,"

This prompted him to look at her again and she gave him a last, friendly tilt of her optic.

"I better leave you to it then, you have my IP if you ever need to contact me."

"I know."

It didn't take long for her to disappear behind the nearest wall.

The entire interaction left him with an odd feeling of uncertainty.


End file.
